Monday, February 13, 2006

= When will denim shorts make their comeback in professional sports?
Welcome to the first (and last) annual NCAA college basketball edition of Wood on Sports. Perhaps I am the exception and not the rule, but I don't find college ball that interesting. You're just as likely to find me watching the WNBA or Joey as watching Duke challenge Maryland. Sit back and enjoy, because this year's NCAA basketball edition also falls on this year's list edition of Wood On Sports.

There are a number of reasons why I hate college basketball:

1. Parity. There is way too much parity in college basketball...West Virginia could beat UCLA at Pauley, and then turn around and lose to the sub-.500 Marshall Thundering Hurd. The parity really serves to devalue victories...nobody tears down the basketball hoop after a victory over a Top-10 opponent.

2. The season is too long. Every single major conference in the country now has a season-ending tournament (with the exception of the Ivy League), which follows the 28+ games they play in the regular season. Must we really watch Eastern Michigan play Western Michigan twice in the regular season.

3. Didn't we fight the Civil War so we wouldn't have to watch all southern teams on ESPN? Look at some of the teams in the Top 10: Duke, Memphis, Texas, Tennessee, Florida. Sherman should have torched all the basketball courts in his way so we wouldn't have to watch the same cookie-cutter style of basketball night in and night out.

4. Dick Vitale. Listening to him is a Maalox Moment, baby...

I think said it best: J.J. Redick Sucks. Not being an avid fan of college basketball, I have a couple theories on why this is the case:

1. Duke sucks. J.J. plays for Duke. By the transitive property, J.J. sucks.

2. Let's review famous people with initials for a first name: OJ Simpson (sucks), DJ Jazzy Jeff (sucks), DJ Tanner (sucks)

3. He's got a bit of an attitude. In the holy trinity of cocky bastards, JJ is part of the triumvirate that also includes Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. But unlike the latter two, J.J. is a skinny white kid who might not even succeed in the pros.

It is tough to say what the annals of history will say about Redick, but I am assuming they will not include the word "beloved"...

And finally, Gonzaga students were reprimanded for yelling "Brokeback Mountain", Georgetown students chided a certain Duke guard with "J.J.'s gay!" and Virginia Tech faithful chanted "B----" at that same Blue Devil. What does all this signal?

1. Gregorians are back in vogue.

2. Students have precipitously increased their vocabulary.

3. J.J. must know every possible insult by now.

At the end of the day, I find such chants base, tawdry and reprehensible. Something that would come out of the mouth of that little "b----", J.J. Redick...


Blogger Penny Woods said...

Come on, DJ Jazzy Jeff doesn't suck that bad.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Woody said...

Agreed. I should have put JD Drew. Next time...

7:54 PM  

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