Wednesday, January 11, 2006

= Michael Bolton: Desperate Has-Been?

Apparently good academics isn't the only selling point convincing football recruits to come to Stanford University. News broke yesterday of Stanford athletes taking potential recruits to a San Francisco strip club called New Century Theater three years ago. The real story, though, is that these athletes overspent their $30/day entertainment stipend by sums including $3.70, $6.01 and $6.86. A couple of major issues here:

1. Do you think the owners chose the name New Century Theater so it wouldn't arouse suspicion on expense accounts? Clearly the folks in the finance department at Stanford thought their football players were taking recruits to a movie theater to watch Schindler's List or Howard's End. If a husband had that listed on his credit card, a wife would assume her husband was sneaking off to the movies during lunch.

2. What can you get at a strip club for $33.70? I don't have a lot of first hand knowledge of strip clubs, but that sounds like the price of the salad bar and maybe a couple drinks.

3. How did these football players get into Stanford in the first place when they can't even count to $30? I guarantee John Elway and Jim Plunkett stayed under that number when they took their recruits to the strip club.

4. How was Stanford football so bad three years ago? Maybe since the recruits were seniors in high school at the time, they will fully blossom this coming year as juniors. I'm taking Stanford as my early season favorite to win the Rose Bowl.

The lesson learned: taking recruits to a strip joint is not a crime; bad math and bad football is.

The People's Choice Awards took place last night. Not exactly the Oscars, but the awards probably carry more prestige than say the Daytime Emmys. Big winners on the night included Star Wars: Episode III (Favorite Movie), Jessica Simpson's These Boots Are Made for Walkin' (Favorite Song from a Movie) and American Idol (Favorite Reality). This proves two things: People are idiots and the only people that vote for these awards are twelve year old boys.

Some of the other categories where winners were chosen include the Crest Whitestripes Fans Favorite Smile, Nice N' Easy Fans Favorite Hair and Olay Total Effects Fans Favorite Look award. It's good that some things are still sacred and not able to be bought by corporate America. I'm surpised there wasn't a Chic-fil-A White Trash award (Projected Winner: Britney Spears) or Tostitos Really Let Themself Go This Year award (Britney, again).

And finally, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are expecting a child. Ironically, it will be the least good looking of their three children. Jolie recently officially had the names of her children changed to Zahara Jolie-Pitt and Maddox Jolie-Pitt. Makes you wonder if in elementary school Zahara will wonder why her parents couldn't have normal last names, like Smith? Oh wait, Zahara won't be going to elementary school. But seriously, lets hope the new baby doesn't end up the Dana Plato to Zahara & Maddox's Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges...


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