Tuesday, January 10, 2006

= Not a Rick James Impersonator

Another tragic story from the world of Skeleton: top American racer Zach Lund has been suspended for testing positive for drugs. Don't blame Miguel Tejada for this one....Lund tested positive for Propecia! Yes, Propecia, the drug designed to stop Alopecia (male pattern baldness for those scoring at home). Apparently, Propecia is also used as a masking agent...I know for a fact that it has been known to mask the fact that you are BALDING. In all seriousness, the 27 year old should be forgiven for using Propecia. We have to realize though that Skeletoners get paid less than WNBA players, and the pickup line "wanna take a ride on my skeleton?" just doesn't seem to work at the bar like it used to. So a full head of hair is basically an absolute necessity to compete in the world today. In fact, hair would make you less aerodynamic, meaning it should actually be a performance inhibitor. But tell that to the bastards at the ISF (International Skeleton Federation).

In other news, Carson Palmer has exonerated Kimo "Otto" von Oelhoffen of any wrongdoing in the play that prematurely ended Palmer's season. von Oelhoffen, not to be confused with the eight World Strongest Men competitors who have a similar name, was obviously contrite after the incident. Carson was a little woozy after the hit though, telling von Oelhoffen that "In the nick of time a hero arose/A funny looking dog with a big black nose", concluding his statement with "Merry Christmas, my friend."

There has been a lot of press lately comparing Gonzaga's Adam Morrison to the great Celtic Larry Bird. In my mind, that's like comparing Starsky to Hutch (full disclosure: I watched about five minutes of that disastrous flick on HBO tonight). Superficially, Morrison is similar to Bird in his embrace of the upper lip whisker. But to be perfectly honest, Morrison physically resembles the new breed of European basketball player that has taken the NBA by storm (Darko Milicic/Zarko Cabarkapa), and would benefit from an introduction to something called shampoo. Whereas Bird was clearly deriving his look from the "E.Z. Taylor" character from Three's Company that worked under Jack at Angelino's. In all fairness to Morrison, it's hard to live up to the Bird hype though...I mean, can you picture Bird covering LeBron or Kobe now?

And finally, have you ever found yourself a half hour into an episode of World Series of Poker only to realize you'd already seen that episode before? And you only realize you've seen it before because Mike Matusow CAN'T be mocking Phil Hellmuth's line of designer sunglasses again, can he?


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2:18 PM  

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