+ = Roid Rage

If you stopped by expecting commentary on the Vikings Pleasure Cruise, you will be sadly disappointed. What else is there to say? Daunte is an assman, Moe Williams likes the boobies and Bryant McKinnie is very, umm, "giving."

No, today's discussion surrounds the antics of American hero, Lance Armstrong. It seems during the 2004 Tour de France, Lance Armstrong pulled off a Tony Stewart-esque maneuver, and chased Italian racer Filippo Simeoni so that he could threaten him over his participation in the trial of Lance's former doctor. A comparable situation would be Barry Bonds chasing Jason Giambi around the baseball diamond with a bat, threatening to shove it where the sun don't shine.

People love Lance Armstong (especially the same type of people that like the Dallas Cowboys and New York Yankees). I don't like Lance Armstrong. My feelings for him are similar to my feelings towards Jeff Gordon: you've got to respect his athletic accomplishments (I mean, at least Lance actually peddles, Jeff just presses a gas pedal), but you can't like him as a person (especially if you are similar to this fundamentalist Christian author).

First of all, similar to Jeff Gordon, Lance underwent a highly publicized divorce. The publicly stated reason was that Lance's celebrity status got in the way of the marriage. Understandable: while he was jetting all over the country getting congratulations, the wife had to stay home with the 2 year old and twin infants. I mean, c'mon Kristin Armstrong, he needs someone by his side to fawn over him at all times. Enter Sheryl Crow. Thanks to Sheryl, Lance has been able to rededicate himself to a life of receiving nonstop congratulations and promotional appearances. If it makes him happy, then why the hell is Kristin Armstrong so sad?

We can also thank Lance for bringing the color yellow back into vogue (random sidebar: apparently the guy who played Big Bird owns a huge property in Connecticut). Is anyone else annoyed by the ubiquitous yellow bracelets adorning people's wrists? Slap bracelets in junior high were cool...rubber bracelets, not. I'm all for donating money to cancer research, but must we also sacrifice our fashion sensibilities? My philosophy: if it's yellow, let it mellow...or better yet, throw it out.

And finally, we have Lance physically threatening other racers because of their testimony. The interesting part of the article is that he initially apologized for his behavior, and then recanted, and said the incident never happened. How can you apologize for something that never happened? And why would he be angry at a fellow rider for testifying against a mutual doctor that was found guilty of illegally supplying steroids? Could it be because Lance...because Lance...because Lance...I can't say it because I have no proof. But French media outlet L'Equipe did say it earlier this year. While I'm not sure if it is L'Truth, I certainly think there is a possibility Lance will be L'Exposed as a cheater.

Tour director Jean-Marie Leblanc said it best in reaction to the L'Equipe story: “Without doubt…what we have learned has increased the lassitude toward him." And so it is with great lassitude (the May 13, 2002 Word of the Day) that I conclude.

Today's Link of the Day: Matt Leinart's incomplete pass