Monday, January 09, 2006



= Part of the Tom Bergeron museum


I apologize for the delay between posts...I was busy trying to read through all the arrest warrants issued in Marcus Vick's name.

Since it is the start of the New Year, I thought I would go with a new format...no format at all (surprise!). Just as television has virtually abandoned the scripted television show in favor of the scripted reality television show, I have given up on the single theme, article-esque motif. Instead, I will follow the lead of the Monday Morning Quarterback...err, Tuesday Morning Quarterback...err, Wednesday Morning Quarterback...is there a sacred day of the week left when there isn't a goddamn quarterback?

The blog will be more like concentric circles...or Hollywood Squares. Sports will be the center square, the Whoopi Goldberg if you will (or Paul Lynde if you're more of a fan of the early years). It will be the anchor, the foundation, the cork in Sammy Sosa's bat. Entertainment will be taking the square occupied by Jim J. Bullock. National News will be Alf. And International News will be conspicuously absent, as we wish Charo was from Squares (shorthand for "Hollywood Squares" if you watched everyday growing up like me).

Which brings us to the survey question of the week: If you were producing a game show now....Alan Thicke or JD Roth as host?

Alternate question: If there was a contract dispute on the set of "Four Kings" (worst tv show since "Joey")...just replace Seth Green with JD Roth and hope nobody notices?

Final question: "Life with Louie" or "Bobby's World"?

Back to Sports: Tom Mora got fined $25K last week for the cell phone call he made a few weeks back during Atlanta's loss to Tampa Bay. Does he not realize there are cameras EVERYWHERE? We have helmet cam, sky cam, cup cam...the cell phone probably had a camera inserted in it from Fox. And you gotta love Joe Horn demanding Mora get fined $30K, like he had for his end zone celebration involving a cell phone. Horn's celebration was obviously premeditated...let's hope Mora hadn't planted the cell phone under the Gatorade cooler on the sideline to shock and titillate the crowd.

It seems the coach of women's US Olympic Skeleton team might be punished for his lack of decorum. Not a lot of press on the story, even though it has reached the Supreme Court, the same group that ruled on Roe v Wade, Brown v Board of Education and the Anna Nicole Smith case. It's safe to say that if it had been the luge coach, we'd be talking front page news.

It looks like Chad Lowe and Hilary Swank are no longer together. When brother Rob was asked for comment, he tossed his hair, shouted "the wet look is in, asshole", and proceeded to do a line of coke off the living room table.

Perhaps with her new found freedom, Hilary can return the second "L" to the proper location in her name.

If you were watching closely, you noticed the more experienced quarterback won every wild card game this past weekend (Brady over Leftwich, Delhomme over E. Manning, Roethlisberger over Palmer and Brunell over C. Simms). Do you think Kurt Warner's agent's phone is ringing off the hook?

And finally, according to People Magazine, Anna Kournikova made a trip to Biloxi, Mississippi to visit with victims of Hurricane Katrina. She gave People exclusive excerpts to her journal from the trip: "As I walked down a narrow path I was haunted by all the things I had seen...which reminded me of how haunted I was by Serena getting all the line calls. And how come Lindsay Davenport gets calls? She's not even pretty. And that Amelie Mauresmo...someone needs to check her for steroids. Of course I had to drop out of tennis, everyone was against me...it was truly heartbreaking."

2 Comments:

Blogger Marty said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:48 AM  
Blogger Marty said...

Alan Thicke for sure. Unless, of course, it was a brand new "Double Dare." Then there'd be no question.

6:50 AM  

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